I will admit that I was very concerned when I learned of the raging popularity over NetFlix's series 13 Reasons Why. Before even having watched a single minute of the show, I recall articulating how I felt it was so irresponsible to make such a show that kids so easily have access to. This is a difficult time to be in schools, where so many of our kids are hurting, are struggling with mental health issues and self-harm. Pop culture had just thrown yet another curve for those in the regular care of kids to deal with.
Then my curiosity got the better of me. I watched the first episode and then another. By the time I was through my first sitting, I binged through the first 6 episodes and had it not been for the early hour of the morning, I might have continued. Don't misunderstand. My position hasn't completely changed. I feel a little less like a hypocrite now that I've actually watched the show.
I don't have 13 brilliantly insightful observations, but I have a few I think are worth mentioning.
1. I'm not so sure that the show glamourizes teen suicide in as much as it romanticizes it. Semantics? I'm not sure... When I think of glamourizing, I associate that effect with a degree of exaggeration, a lack of reality. The truth is, what happens to Hannah Baker in this show is not beyond the realm of reality. Maybe that so much could happen to one person is a bit much to take, but I nor anyone can't say for sure that girls like Hannah don't exist. I was shocked at how graphic and raw a number of some of the most intense scenes in this show were. For me, some of what I saw hit a little too close to home because of some of the kids who have come through my office in crisis over the years. It was more real for me that I was prepared for. Too many similarities. For me, the whole idea of receiving messages from beyond the grave as a means of not allowing anyone to be hurt ever again is dramatic.
2. High school is hard - for everyone. Kids continue to struggle to find their voice and place. Other kids feel it their right in the social pecking order to maintain a certain caste system in place, to make life hell for those who would dare to be different. Kids don't understand each other and can be cruel and hateful (not all of them though...). Bullying continues to be a pervasive issue. There are a lot great ideas to combat bullying in schools but people need to change on a more fundamental level. We all have to accept that we need to take better care of each other and it has to be a shared value. We're not quite there yet.
3. Social media - aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I love it, most of the times. Then there are days when I hate it so much because boundaries are blurred. No one has a private life anymore. One of the most profound quotes from this series is that "... social media has made us all stalkers..." and it couldn't be more true. Trolling and spamming have replaced bike rides and rollerblading. Taking unfortunate videos and posting them online is the new form of spectator sports. It's not kids being kids. This vexes me a lot - besides coming down hard with consequences until kids finally learn, I struggle with this daily as I'm sure a lot of colleagues do too.
4. I was a bit miffed at the portrayal of the school administration and not because I'm VP. The adults in charged are portrayed as somewhat flippant and more concerned with the outcome of the lawsuit than in really examining their practices in identifying and dealing with kids who are in crisis. I've said it time and again that schools are just schools, not medical institutions. Schools are staffed with teachers, not doctors and psychiatrists. Our training is pretty obvious but we seem to need to be everything to everyone these days. I think it's time to stop thinking and saying so. We have an obligation to our kids. Period. If they are hurting we need to know why and put them on the path towards healing. When I student is in my office and has been sharing some self-harm or suicidal ideation, I get to the point with as much love as possible and I ask them:
a.) how they are feeling at that exact moment
b.) do they want to kill themselves?
c.) if they say yes, I ask them when the last time they had that thought was and I ask them to walk me
through the details
I find that the kids are so shocked by how candid and matter-of-fact I am that they share everything or they are so beside themselves that they are very quick to reassure that while they are feeling very low and depressed never would they ever hurt themselves. But regardless of the direction the conversation takes, the next conversation is with their parents and a recommendation to seek medical attention. Schools can't do this work alone but we spend more time with kids in the span of a day than anyone else. There is a wealth of information in front of our noses. We have to be on the look-out.
No. This book and series need not be a topic of discussion in our classrooms. I know that using pop culture artefacts can sometimes be an effective instructional strategy but this topic is too present in the collective consciousness. I'd rather kids feel that if they have questions, they should be able to ask anyone who works in their school and those adults should be able to give them the most supportive and informative answer they are able. This is an opportunity for Admin to support their staff. I suspect this will be a topic of discussion of an up-coming staff meeting in the very near future. We made a decision not to escalate any angst about this show by addressing it with staff while it is still very present in the media. The topic of appropriate next steps and protocol has come up in previous meetings but in relation to other issues. School communities have to come together to establish a collective responsibility to take care of each other and work collaboratively towards ways of doing it better everyday for the sake of our kids.
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